Every year, Valentine’s Day reminds us to think about our romantic relationships, how we feel, and what we want in our love lives. When we have pleasant and enjoyable romantic dreams involving our partners in waking life, it can be especially bonding to share these dreams with them. Those kinds of dreams are usually the easiest for us to share because they are so obviously positive—but what about the romantic dreams that make us feel uncomfortable?
It doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day to explore how we most authentically feel through dreams—yet what our dreams are telling us is not always that easily understood. Some of the most frequently asked questions we get from dreamers on DreamsCloud have to do with trying to understand feelings about Love.
“If I have an affair with a friend in my dream, am I cheating on my wife?”
Sometimes people think that if you have sex with anyone other than your partner or spouse in a dream it means you have cheated on them or committed adultery. Actually, it’s usually the opposite. When partners trust each other enough to allow infidelity in dreams—where it is safer emotionally and the risk of STDs is not a concern—that trust can actually prevent infidelity from happening in the waking world. Sometimes people need to connect sexually with masculine and feminine parts of themselves in dreams, and that is very healthy.
Sexual fantasy dreams usually happen because there is something about that person in waking life that the dreamer identifies with and admires. Usually, it doesn’t mean the dreamer is seriously considering living out the affair in waking life. However, sometimes it does mean the dreamer is interested in the person they are dreaming about and only the dreamer will know for sure. The more a person’s dream sex life gets repressed, the more they might tend to fantasize about others in waking life and eventually—might act on it. A lot of unnecessary break ups and divorces have happened because of this misunderstanding about dreams! On the other hand, many relationships have been saved because of this bit of knowledge about dreams.
“If my boyfriend cheated in my dream, does that mean he’s really cheating?”
When we dream someone is cheating, it doesn’t necessarily mean that person is cheating on us in waking life. On the one hand, it’s possible to subconsciously pick up clues about real cheating happening in waking life. Those clues can become clearer to us in our dreams. On the other hand, since most of the characters in ordinary dreams are often seen as aspects of the dreamer, we can look at cheating dreams symbolically. For example, ‘cheating’ can symbolize ‘not being true to oneself’ in some action in waking life. It can also symbolize another way in which the dreamer has ‘cheated’ in waking life—not directly related to the relationship. Often, a dreamer feeling insecure about a relationship can bring these kinds of dreams on. The specific details within each dream offer clues to help us become dream detectives—and decide the ultimate meaning of our ‘cheating’ dreams.
“If someone I know says he loves me in my dream, does he really love me?”
If we have a good connection with someone in waking life and dream that they love us, it’s possible that they have romantic feelings. On the other hand, dreams like this can also mean that we as dreamers are learning to love ourselves. When people we know in waking life express affection toward us in dreams, it can help us feel validated by something those people represent to us in our lives. Whether someone loves us or loves us not in waking life can only be ultimately determined by communication with that person.
“If my crush tells me she doesn’t love me in my dream, is that really true?”
The very nature of a ‘crush’ is that this person is unattainable in waking life. We have crushes on people because there is something about them that we identify with and admire—and eventually as we develop, we integrate those attractive qualities of our crushes into our own personalities. So when people dream that a crush is unattainable, that is usually a mirror of waking life experience. Dreamers can look at dreams like this and ask, “How do I feel the qualities of my crush are still beyond my reach at this point?” Most likely, integration with the qualities of one’s crush in a dream is right around the corner, and something to look forward to!
This Valentine’s Day, how are all the parts of you feeling, and what are your dreams telling you about your love life?