Afternoon of April 24, 2018. Tuesday. Point 1: The non-lucid dream self has neither viable access to the unconscious mind nor the conscious self identity in waking life, which prevents synaptic gating that would otherwise result in corruption of memory, thus “dream interpretation” in the common usage of the term is incidental falsehood, propagated by both the Barnum effect and the total lack of knowledge of the dream state. The non-lucid dream self is a fictitious entity, though typically with minimal ties to the real conscious self. The non-lucid dream self is the subconscious, which does not possess a viable focus on time or space or the accurate memory of which the unconscious holds. Elaboration on point 1: Consider that hypnagogia occurs only in very deep relaxation and that even dreams at their most vivid occur in REM sleep when close to consciousness. Full unconsciousness (deeper sleep) results in no dreams or dreaming activity. Dreams only occur by way of preconscious activity and the emergent consciousness factor in RAS mediation. The closer to full consciousness, the more vivid the dream. Further elaboration on point 1: Although the subconscious personification as the non-lucid dream self does not know where it is in time and space, preconscious dynamics bring about the rendering of the autosymbolic construct of the dream state in addition to dream state indicators, such as beds and the event of being undressed, including being undressed in public, as the dreamer does not typically wear clothes while in bed sleeping. My own “undressed in public” dreams do not bother me at all, even in non-lucid dreams. I still maintain subliminal awareness of my real physical body being undressed while in bed. (Of course, it is possible to have such a dream while being dressed in sleep, depending on the depth of sleep.) Point 2: The lucid dream self in awareness of the dream state, but without viable control, still exists as the personified subconscious as the non-lucid dream self does. It is still the passive factor in RAS mediation and modulation unless entering the higher end of liminal space and sustaining it. Elaboration on point 2: In my childhood lucid dreams, anticipation of the RAS factor (only in some lucid dreams) sometimes triggered RAS modulation before I wanted them to end, such as in my lucid dream where I shouted, “You dogs are always ruining my dreams”, the dog being an anticipatory RAS mediation factor, quickly becoming modulation with the back jab event (like a “deep tickle” in the small of my back). This represented my inability to fully control and become the dream state itself even in my states of apex lucidity back then. In more recent dreams, I have occasionally seen a German Shepherd with a pennant on a staff next to it (mainly in non-lucid dreams), indicating that I have, to some extent, mastered some dynamics of liminal space. Point 3: The lucid dream self in apex lucidity maintains a realistic model of the conscious self identity, and rather than the personified subconscious, becomes a hybrid of the preconscious and the emergent consciousness factor. However, RAS mediation and modulation remains a factor, as waking up is a biological necessity, especially when there is a bathroom wake-up call or concern about the source of an unknown noise in the real environment and naturally autosymbolism will create a scenario in its intrusive (in the case of a noise that needs checking out) presence in the dream state. After spending many sessions in apex lucidity, I have come to fully realize that almost everything published about dreams in this era is myth and falsehood, at least as having any relevance to my life since childhood. However, there is not much that can be done to educate the populace without the individual experiencing it for themselves (if they choose of course, as many are either happy not knowing anything at all about dreams or solely helping to propagate myth and pretending everything is symbolic of waking life). There are some people who, for whatever reason, are terrified of being lucid, and so, when they become lucid, they do not know what to do or have nightmares. I cannot even imagine what they would experience in apex lucidity when starting out as an adult (as I begin in earliest memory, validated to be from at least age three, though I still have a vivid memory of a lucid prenatal experience). Rather than “control” the dream state at this level, I serve as the source of the dream state itself, since I then maintain awareness in the liminal space of the preconscious, which is what renders the dream’s autosymbolic construct (not the unconscious or subconscious as people mistakenly believe). Knowledge of which autosymbolism manifests what features and events is required. It is typically the same type of autosymbolism in non-lucid dreams that many people (including “experts” and “professionals”) mistakenly “interpret” as waking life symbols (which makes no sense as a dream occurs when one is asleep and autosymbolism is of thought processes in real time, though this excludes prescience and other inexplicable threads). Elaboration of point 3: To validate some of what I have written thus far in my approximately 5,000 tumblr entries, all it requires is speaking phrases in one’s own voice, for example, the same phrase many times in a row, over a period of about half an hour, with a gap between each two at least as long as the phrase itself when vocalized slowly and clearly. In this way, the personal autosymbolism of the dream state can be observed in hypnagogia and studied consciously, though it may come as either visual or audio, rarely both. This is really all it takes to rise above the nonsense of “dream dictionaries” and other popular “games”. The phrases need to be in the dreamer’s confidently expressed voice only. An example is, “my body is relaxed now as I am entering sleep”. Typically, if I focus on my body relaxing, the autosymbolism creates a boat (an extension of my physical body when entering sleep, as sleep is water and turbulent water would mean disturbance in the sleep cycle or circadian rhythms) and thus I might perceive myself sitting or standing in a canoe moving over a river. In some cases, depending on what you say, the autosymbolism may actually “argue” with you. “Bad dreams”, which I rarely experience other than when biologically premonitory, probably occur with people who do not understand the nature of their own thinking processes. Even superstitious beliefs about “dream interpretation” can trigger negative dream content. If one uses the phrase, “I am waking up”, they should see or experience autosymbolism that expresses the waking process itself. Ultimately, even in a world of deception and disinformation, it is not that difficult to develop a personal understanding of the dream state rather than relying on popular myth. Further elaboration on point 3: Because of both circadian rhythms and the nature of RAS mediation, experimenting with the dream state can trigger vestibular system correlation factors, which may result in the falling sensation or falling dreams, even mild nausea due to rapid RAS modulation (though which only lasts a few seconds, not really much different than when the dreamer is awakened by a sudden loud noise). Sometimes, I forget what I am doing even in lucidity (though not apex lucidity) and then start to look around for the source of the voice while in the dream state itself. This is mainly why I use internal auto-scripting (pure mental affirmation while in the dream state, not “thinking” it as such, but knowing by way of the virtuous circle effect) such as with my recent dream where I deliberately created a locked steel door to phase through to enter a more vivid state. The experience is extraordinary and indescribable. Further elaboration on point 3: Instead of nonsensical “reality checks” (which makes no sense as even apex lucidity feels different and looks different than reality anyway), all it really takes to learn control is learning personal autosymbolism. For example, with the audio sessions, simply use a phrase such as “I am seeing what I should use to increase dream state awareness” and you should get at least some clues what your “door” is. (Mine is actually a door, literally, the more “difficult” to open, the better. Another factor is blue fire to sustain a setting.) In apex lucidity, I will typically see my “shadow” and sometimes “test” it to see “who” it is. I have long since validated it is my conscious self identity projected into liminal space. “The reticular activating system (RAS) controls sleep and waking, and fight vs. flight responses. While this system provides signals that modulate our sleep–wake states, it also serves to help us respond to the world around us. For example, strong stimuli simultaneously activate ascending RAS projections to the thalamus and then the cortex and cause arousal, and also activate descending projections that influence the spinal cord in the form of postural changes in tone resulting from the startle response, as well as trigger locomotor events in fight vs. flight responses. During sleep, the same system is responsible for the relative lack of sensory awareness during slow wave sleep (SWS), as well as the atonia of paradoxical sleep that prevents us from acting out our dreams. This system also modulates the activity of virtually every other system in the CNS. Growing evidence suggests that the control of sleep and waking is a fundamental property of neuronal networks and prior activity within each network (Krueger et al., 2008), and that intrinsic properties of neurons in multiple regions modulate sleep auto-regulation, i.e., suggesting that sleep is neither a passive nor an active phenomenon (Kumar, 2010).” “Sensory input induces gamma band activity in the reticular activating system (RAS) that participates in preconscious awareness, the process necessary to support a state capable of reliably assessing the world around us on a continuous basis. This process is manifested rapidly upon waking, following increased blood flow in the thalamus and brain stem that occurs ahead of increases in cortical blood flow. This mechanism is also involved in the preconscious activity necessary for the preparation for voluntary movements. This occurs in advance of the subjective sensation of will or intention to move, that is, preconsciously.” - Edgar Garcia-Rill, PhD.
The dream starts with I'm in my car driving down a road I see a vehicle that catches my eye it's a classic car. I see it turning into a parking lot. I follow it in & parked beside it, looking to see where the driver was at. He was going into a building I don't know if I was going to ask him about his car but I followed him into the building. At the entrance I was approached by a man, As I looked around, realizing I was in a bar the man then was approach by the man that got off the car, asking him what I needed, I heard him say I was looking for a job as a bartender but I never said a word
I was talking on the phone to customer service. I was in my hotel and the issue was something to do with the service I was receiving. I was on the phone placed on hold for a long time. I understood that I would be billed but for some reason, even though I knew this, I somehow didn't think that being on hold counted as part of the billing. The problem was resolved and my husband and I were finally able to leave: only after we left, I realized that I was wrong and was also going to be billed for all that time they had put me on hold. I was really frustrated. The customer service folks seemed very nice. The issue was being on hold I think, and Darrell was very impatient for me to be done with my call, but not saying anything.
Morning of September 11, 1979. Tuesday. There were other versions of this dream but this is the most detailed version (not necessarily the longest) from September 1979. I had not seen Ann L (who I do not see in my dream much) for a few years. Ann L was the only familiar character (other than my “dream girl” of whom turned out to be real years later) from real life in most of my dream. She was a classmate for only a couple grades in middle school and high school. I did not really know her very well or interact with her that much. She was a mousy bookish type. This in fact, is one of my only dreams where she appeared and long after I had last seen her in waking life. My dream’s plot vaguely resembles a Harvey comic book story of which I was familiar with (with Casper and Wendy as the main characters). It involves a ship that is similar to the Pacific Princess on “Love Boat” (which I have a false memory of having “seen” at a much earlier age which is likely associated with “Love American Style” from 1969 instead). However, there is also something about it that is also very military-like and the ship itself is greenish-gray, at least later on. Instead of moving normally across the ocean, it floats about three feet or so above the water’s surface (using some sort of advanced technology which America supposedly did not have in my dream), which seems slightly ominous (but still leaves a wake at times). The captain is Captain Badheart as in the comic story, which changes from Captain Goodheart. There is something about Ann having a baby (not by me; possibly Barry R or the captain) as well as being locked in the captain’s cabin, but I do not follow her status that closely. It is almost like a secondary movie within my dream that is happening on the sidelines. I know the ship was designed to change after people boarded and kidnap them to keep them out at sea and serve the interests of a (fictional) small country or dictatorship. There is an original reference that I noted in which there is some association with “air ship”. There is a slight awareness of the “mystery girl” even from the beginning, but not quite as much as a much earlier dream of the liner. I now see a connection between “Pacific Princess”, “Love Boat”, and the fact that Australia is near the South Pacific. The ship also has advanced weapons, some sort of multiple laser cannons in a series, something I might have associated with the original (1978-1979) Battlestar Galactica (especially as the ship seems to be called the Celestra at one point - the plot of that episode with that name is: “During a celebration honoring Commander Kronus, Starbuck recognizes an old flame of his, Aurora and breaks off a date with Cassiopeia to follow his lost love to the Celestra. On their arrival, Starbuck and Apollo find themselves in the midst of a mutiny” - IMDb), giving my dream a science-fiction-like atmosphere in the main scenes. There is a battle with the United States Air Force at one point. There is a precognitive layer (not quite as clear or multilayered as the liner dream of childhood) referencing my yet-to-experience journey to Australia and a loose connection to “The Man Without a Country”, which I saw in middle school. It has a similar mood. The “mystery girl” still remains mostly in the background. I look for her during the troubles on board and I am frustrated at not finding her. Perhaps she has magic that will protect her from the foreign soldiers, but I still want us to get off the ship and back to civilization. At one point the ship is on the water when another ship is in the area so that no attention will be brought on to this strange ship that otherwise eerily floats above the ocean’s surface. A singular ship in a dream is an autosymbolic extension of the physical body and linked to a specific level of unconsciousness. This is made clearer here by the additional vestibular system correlation - the fact the ship is floating. Additionally, this (the military association) augments RAS mediation in this case, making my dream into an interesting adventure, but ultimately unrelated to waking life other than the prescient thread relating to my “mystery girl” (Zsuzsanna).
A lengthy dream with several sections, most is now lost. I was in an enormous room in an apartment. It was very like where I used to live but much bigger. The ceiling was ridiculously high. I thought how much it must cost to heat. A young girl witnessed a crime and the people responsible kidnapped her and were going to kill her. I tried to help her but I could not. Later, I was attempting to either mend something or accomplish something that was very intricate and difficult. I didn't succeed.
I am in the country by a large pond and a forest like area. I`m being told by tv show cast Big Chief `Aaron you can`t shoot`. So I aimed hit the target then left the area and away from the people by the pond. I see 4 blue human form shaped firgure`s, with no (blurred) face. Yet every time I get a mile or so away from pond all of a sudden I am instantly back at the pond. I leave over and over again only to be returned to pond. I can`t get past the 4 blues. They kinda put me in a ground hog type senerio, same thing repeatingly the same end of dream ,
I was watching two girls roast each other in a battle of words which made no sense but still I found hilarious, one girl then hit the sister of the other girl in the boobs with something, then in the face. (Both in slow motion) because of this the girl reacted by punching that girl clean on the jaw, she then fell back into a sand pit. The other sister then ran a jumped head first into the sand. I have no clue why my head makes me dream of these silly dreams 🤷🏻♂️
Basically in EVERY dream I have.. I can fly. Sometimes I just go out of the window by flying or go into my house by flying. I even took a ghost on a flying adventure to show her the world, don't remember why. But most of the time when i'm flying, people are shooting at me, not people.. well policemen. And i'm trying to escape. In the end I do escape and I do that with the help of the power of flying that I have in my dreams.
Last night I had a dream that I had multiple partners, it's very odd because I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. Also I didn't know any of the other guys, they where complete strangers. If I have never seen these people before why would I dream about them, in that way???
Morning of April 24, 2018. Tuesday. In my dream, my family and I, mostly as we appear now (except for our youngest son’s beard), are living in an unusual expanded distortion of the King Street mansion (where I have not lived in real life for nearly thirty years). It is most like the second-floor room of the middle of the east side, though the room seems to take up the whole section in my dream, additionally replacing at least the northeast room. There is also another section that is oriented north, forming an inverted corner, implying that the building is either L-shaped or cross-shaped. In two vivid scenes, it seems I am on the first floor of this building. I look diagonally across to the perpendicular section, at a second-floor window, where a strange dark cloud seems to be blown out from inside, which also seemingly contains at least a few particulates. I get the impression that it is an older woman who lives there who is emptying her vacuum cleaner by spewing the contents out into the air. I consider that this is not a very considerate act but I never see the person and I do not become angry. In another scene, there are at least three people yelling at each other across the street, but I never see them or clearly discern what they are saying. The main part of my dream concerns our youngest son. I see that he now has a very bushy thick beard which unrealistically curls upward. Despite how strange this seems, my dream self does not perceive it as a dream state indicator. I worry about him. Although he otherwise looks like our youngest son (other than the beard), he acts very differently. I tell him I will trim it down or shave it off but he does not want me to. Oddly, I mention how his beard is even thicker than our second-youngest son’s beard (who of course does not have a beard either, but this is yet another nonsensical error in my dream self’s thinking.) Eventually, Zsuzsanna convinces him that it will be good to at least trim it down. When I see him later, I observe that it is shaved on one side but only closely trimmed on the other. There is an additional scene that is the typical RAS modulation, where the preconscious, as an unknown businessman, points a box saw at my chest (the blade downward, only the front end touching me), but I am not concerned. He had been part of a group of people watching us through a window, which is modeled after my childhood room in Cubitis, though seemingly on a fictional second floor and from the south. (The settings in my dreams typically change ambiguously, never being rendered the same way twice in over fifty years and tens of thousands of closely studied dreams.) This is a non-lucid carryover from the lucid dream of yesterday, where I willed a different form of the preconscious to split in half (though I then “healed” it by willing the two body halves back together). Maybe someday people will understand that my dream’s content, when it is not prescient (or with the inexplicable “sent” factor) or dominated by RAS modulation, is mainly based on my focus and knowledge of the dream state itself (how could it not be) rather than waking life, but there seems to be a “wall” in the minds of most people that prevents them from understanding what a dream actually is (inclusive of most people who have published books about dreams). As I have written many times in past entries, at least one dream per sleep cycle is somehow influenced by what Zsuzsanna had seen or talked about (or in some cases only thought about) at another location the day before with no way of me knowing. This was going on long before we met, long before I learned my “dream girl” was a real person. Society, not having any intelligence at all when it comes to understanding dreams or the dream state, instead writing mindless tomes about “interpretation” (which completely ignores the dynamics of what a dream actually is) has neither viable answers to this mechanism nor an iota of credibility in general. There have been people who have studied this phenomenon and written about it to some extent, but just as with the truth of dreams in their basic form inherently being autosymbolic (not symbolic in the popular sense), society remains without any understanding of dreams. In this case, Zsuzsanna had been with our youngest son yesterday and there was a conversation involving her brother George (here for a visit for the first time in months). They were at Zsuzsanna’s sister’s place and George was talking about a man with a very bushy beard. Often though, the correlating factors are more unusual.
Water, Rapids waters, I can see myself on the top of the rapid waters & not to far away from me I see a very close friend, like a brother type of friend then besides him appears a type of huge fish that suddenly turned into creapy spiders. I remember talking to my friend but I am not at all afraid of any of the events that are happening . The feelings I'm feelings are more of a concern for we suddenly are in someone home and a little boy is trying very hard to open a dresser drawer, then all I remember is trying to get the dresser open for the little boy as I looked at my friend
I am a teenage girl ..... happy with my friends and luckily my crush likes me too . This dreams made me cry and seriously , I woke up crying . Friendship is very important for me and in this dream my family decided to move house , and change my school ! I was so shocked , I was going to lose my friends and my boyfriend .... Tears started to stream down my cheeks . Then my crush, boyfriend ,came from behind me and whispered in my ear "I love you and I will not let you go ".He hugged me and told me "We can still keep ourselves in touch " .... And I woke up feeling dizzy and crying ....IDK why i was crying .....
Insects ...... one of my worst fears .... especially the ones that are poisonous and can send you straight to heaven ... I was at home ALONE ( it isn't my home but in the dream it was ) ,sipping a glass of camomile when I see a scorpion , a large , hairy and black one ....yiiikkkeeesss .... on the coffee table.They say that if you pour alcohol on scorpions they will die , so I went to the supermarket to buy some ....... There was my science teacher as a sales girl and time was passing very slowly ......Then I arrived , there was my mum , aunt and uncle and my dad.... We threw the liquid to the scorpion but it just got wild . I sat on the sofa shivering and covered myself with a blanket preparing for the scorpion's attack ...... It did jump on my feet and I felt it in real life on my feet , but it didn't bite me ......
Ok , so this is a very creepy dream ( I dreamt it for about 3 times now and it freeks me out ). It's about I am walking in this street and see this catchy shop , but very weird . When i enter , the door slammed shut behind me and I don't know how , was trapped ..... The most creepy thing was that a man was trying to eat me....
okay so I had this horrible and awkward dream where all you see is me making out with someone who I assumed was my boyfriend then it zooms in to the guys face and its my bfs ex best friend Chandler so I start freaking out and crying bc I could never do that like ever im not one to cheat and I dont look at Chandler that way and just ugh.....so if anyone knows or has an idea of what it means let me know.
Hey People, I have had this dream thrice now...the first tie i dreamt shaking hands with the president of my country, then a few days ago i dreamed with the president having visited me and was telling me to take care of my younger daughter now three years like/she is his daughter and that i should not let anything bad happen to her or should not let her lack in anything, last night i dreamed that a president of some country looked kind of indian visited me and declared his love for me.
After a few seconds, while my boyfriend was talking, the right half of his face started melting and morphed into an ordinary white alien,revealing that he was an alien all this time. I didn't freak out so I continued to listen. Then, his fictional dad came in and yelled: "SON.DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO REVEAL YOURSELF!? ".Then I freaked out. I ran to my cousin's house, got on my laptop and started deleting my accounts, wrote to myself: 'Don't watch it, it has terrible songs.' (I was reffering to the movie "Barbie And The Popstar 2") and I did everything I could to forget about him.
There are 3 sisters in my dream and I am one of them. We are swimming alone at a beautiful white sandy beach. One of my sister's is further out in the water and gets on a small piece of land because she saw a shark. Just when she thinks the shark is gone it sneaks up behind her and grabs her ankle, pulling her under. She hits her head and stays under water but the shark becomes uninterested and starts going for my other sister who is trying to save the sister who is unconscious under water. When she realises the shark is coming for her we both try our best to get to shore. The shark catches up to me and I am somehow able to strangle it. When I make it to shore my other sister decides to swim back for the sister who is likely dead under water. I make it back to the beach and look for help. Once I find someone, we run to the beach and I see the shark came back to life and is attacking the sister who swam back out to save the other. The man i found to help us is just watching not helping! He says the shark needs to finish his hunt! I am furious and wake up with my heart pounding
Morning of April 23, 2018. Monday. While lying in our bed early this morning, I enter light sleep paralysis, which automatically brings me joy, a sense of well-being, and enhanced senses, though there is no imagery. I try to will the rising sensation I usually get upon focusing on this state, which usually begins with a tingling all over my body and an eventual sense of floating. This occurs and I feel weightless. I am aware of Zsuzsanna on my left. I try again. A second wave of tingling pleasure fills me. Believing I am at least partly awake now (but still in a vivid dream state), I see a few random comic strip panels as if floating above me, facing downward. I read some words and word patterns, most of which are the typical gibberish, but the letters are very clear. One end panel says “TWIN” and below that, “TWN”. Another end panel begins with “Dream interpretation is misrepresentation…”. I believe I am talking to Zsuzsanna about what I had seen, though my eyes are closed for a time. There is a real awakening of which quickly falls back into a false awakening. I seem to be in the Stadcor Street backyard (where we have not lived in years) in late morning, even though it also seems we are inside our present home in bed in semidarkness. (Being aware of two different lighting schemes simultaneously is not that common in my dreams, though it is basically just another aspect of bilocation caused by the conscious self identity being in the dream state.) I still believe that a part of me is awake enough to communicate with Zsuzsanna. A tingling moves through my body again and there is also a flashing. My hand is flashing as well. There is a very intense enhanced awareness. However, looking at the sky, I see a Klingon Bird-of-Prey hovering over the house and a 1950s flying saucer farther to the left. I laugh at my inability to realize that I had not stayed awake during this time. I then wake for a short time for real. My sexuality seems exponentially increased. I am going to have to play around and take advantage of the dream state for a little longer. Still in very pleasant light sleep paralysis, I decide to augment the state again and hold my conscious self awareness intact as much as I can. I am then in the bedroom on Barolin Street (where we have not lived since 2008 - the house no longer there in reality). I deliberately become incorporeal for a time and decide to try a typical door experiment. I move through the house toward the front door, which is now a large locked steel vault door. I fly as fast as I can will myself to, headed straight to it. As I know it is a dream, and what the door represents (a liminal space barrier between different levels of consciousness and unconsciousness), I realize that one of two events will happen. Either I will wake upon reaching the door, or I will enter an even higher state of apex lucidity by phasing through it. The latter happens. Time seems to slow down and I phase through the door, enjoying the event. I marvel at the beauty of the event and my enhanced clarity of mind. After phasing through the steel door, I find myself in front of an unfamiliar house late at night, looking back at the other side of the door. From here, I decide to walk and also to bring about daylight. I reach an area with about ten people to my left, mostly sitting along the side of the road. Most of them are partly undressed. It might be some sort of family gathering. Being in apex lucidity, the dream characters are a bit “off” and “glitchy”. I am looking for Zsuzsanna or a reasonable facsimile of her. I see a girl sitting on an embankment but realize that it is not her. I notice that all of the people have small areas of odd patchy and scaly darker skin. This may be a RAS hybrid of snake (the core RAS modulation factor) and personification. The preconscious (as an unknown male of about thirty) takes form and walks toward me and I am very annoyed, as I do not want to wake up yet. I immediately split him in two with the power of my thoughts and the sides fall in opposite directions. His partner comes over and seems upset. She looks down at the ground and seems unsure of what to say. I decide to will the pieces back together and walk off to another area. I summon a sexual encounter. It seems to be a version of Zsuzsanna at first, but soon turns out not to be. She is wearing a cat costume. Unfortunately, she also expects me to interact with her virtual pet first, that she pulls out of a cloth bag, which is little more than a Fleshlight with a toy stuffed cat sewn around it. This greatly annoys me and I go elsewhere. (Otherwise, a cat is an emergent consciousness factor, though remains on the preconscious side of the door of liminal space.) The people in this new area, half open building, half outdoors, are now taking on a more realistic appearance. Girls walk through a hall in a building of an unknown purpose. I am not sure if it is meant to be a college, hospital, train station, or all of the above. I summon Zsuzsanna and we indulge in pleasure, though I do not undress her. I go through the motions of undoing my pants (which is very strange as I am not dressed in reality and my faux conscious self model should know this). My manhood phases into her (through her clothes) as she leans back against the edge of a wall where a large room is to the left and the hall is to the right and we move together for several minutes. I have zero interest in the people walking around, though they do not regard us anyway. As I wake, I am holding Zsuzsanna close.
I had a very weird dream last night about so many different things, but one part of the dream stood out the most to me. My Dream : I walked into church and as I was walking to the aisle that my grandmother was sitting in I could feel so many eyes on my back and hear very harsh whispers. I turned back and I saw my boyfriend sitting in the back just scolding me. My heart started to pump hard (which I didn't understand saying how my boyfriend and I are on good terms in real life). I was so afraid of leaving to face him. At the end of the service I walked to the back and he was already gone and my uncle came up to me to tell me that we were all going to meet up for lunch and not to be late. I turned and everyone in my family was already at their cars. I hurried to mine, but as I was approaching the parking lot I could see my Grandma waving at me trying to tell me that someone was blocking her car and that she couldn't leave. I told her to hold on and I would move my car closer to hers. I turned the corner and I see my car in the middle blocking the lane to exit and as I got closer I started to panic, because I could tell that the whole bottom part of my car was broken completely off (the bumper around to the fender was taken off) then I started to cry and I didn't know what to do so I called my boyfriend, but he didn't answer another man answered and said that he was busy and was about to leave and that he didn't want to talk to me. At that moment I was just hurt and didn't know what was going on whatsoever. So I was screaming and crying to the man over the phone begging him to tell my boyfriend to help me. Then the man said to figure it out myself. I hung up the phone and I attempted to fix my car with what I had, but then I realized that all of my wheels were off as well. I felt defeated. I walked to the main road, because I was going to be late for lunch with my family. Walking and looking down I could hear a truck pull up close to me and when I looked up it was my boyfriends brother and he said he would give me a ride to where I needed to be. At that moment I felt as if everything had been lifted off of my shoulders. He started to drive me and I kept saying how awful my boyfriend was and that I didn't deserve that, He kept going on and on, but then he got nervous and said that my boyfriend would kill him if he knew he was helping me. I was just so confused onto what was going on, because within a second I went to the bed of the truck and he started to drive faster and I knew that he was scaredthat my boyfriend was following us. I looked around and I just saw beautiful colors and flowers surrounding us and he comes to a stop and helps me out ( my boyfriends brother ). We start walking and he is being very playful and sweet to me and he goes to kiss me but I turn away and giggle and tell him he is crazy. Somehow we ended up in a maze and we are trying to find each other and when we find each other he tells me how much he loves me and that he doesn't want anything to happen to me. When he said everything I was just overly happy and I said that I have been waiting for someone to say that to me. I wanted to feel loved. when he hugged me and kissed my forehead I felt amazing and as if I was floating. He told me he would find me later, but now I needed to hide. I left and he kept calling to make sure I was okay, but at the end of the dream I was at a concert and I felt free and happy. I wasn't scared I was happy. I just thought it was weird to me to have such a vivid and dream about my boyfriends brother and us being broken up.
In my dream, it was Fuller House kind of. For some reason, the whole cast was in a circle. For the first time ever, there was a narrator. He had a deep voice, extremely deep. He said, "One of these people has had surgery on their hands. Now he looks like a freaky cyborg. Find who he is." I looked at all of the guys, for some reason, I couldn't tell who. They had to clap their hands just for me to tell. Then, I noticed it was Popko. Hid hands were freaky, but kind of cool. Then, some fat black dudes walked in (no racism intended). One of them with a gold tooth said, "We've been trying to lose weight. We're having a competition to see who could lose the most." Another dude who weighed more than the guy with the gold tooth said, "To lose weight, I've been swimming every day." The gold tooth guy scoffed, "I got twenty boys to help me. They know a nutritionist." The other guy sighed, "I did nothing." Then they went on Wii Fit to check their weight. The gold tooth guy lost 5 pounds, the bigger dude lost 1, the guy who did nothing lost 2. The gold tooth guy started doing a victory dance. Then, they went somewhere where it was backstage. They had piles of cookies. There was Chips Ahoy regular chocolate chip and there was Oreo regular. The gold tooth guy said, "I like Oreos because it's not racist." The bigger dude laughed, "Good point, but I like Chips Ahoy better." Then they had this big argument about which was better. Then it went back to the normal Fuller House cast. Jimmy said, "Kimmy, after you have Stephanie's and my baby, have that guy help you lose that baby weight." Kimmy shook her head, "Nope. I have nobody to impress, sorry." Fernando whined, "What! You have me to impress!" Kimmy patter her stomach, "We're married, Fernando. I don't need to impress you. You'll have to deal with me anyway." The fat guys randomly started swimming in a yellow pool. After that, Jimmy said, "I've finally had my baby! Not Stephanie's, the one I conceived on my own." Stephanie raised an eyebrow, "Uh---Jimmy, I hope you know that it's not possible for a man to conceive a child." Jimmy huffed, "It is possible! If not, explain this!" There was a crib with tons of pink blankets inside it and a baby doll in the blankets, only showing the tips it's head. Jimmy made a baby crying noise, trying to make it seem real. It wasn't very believable. Then the baby doll turned into a real baby, Jimmy pulled her from the crib. It was a girl. Stephanie frowned, "Either you stole that baby or..." Kimmy interrupted, "If Jimmy had a baby, why am I pregnant?" Stephanie sighed, "Kimmy, he really didn't have this baby," she pointed at Jimmy, "Give the baby back to her family, now!" Jimmy went with Stephanie to a huge house. They knocked on the door. The person who answered was Mariah Carey. Stephanie gasped, "Whoa! Mariah Carey!" Mariah sighed, "Give me back my baby." Jimmy gave her the baby and Mariah let them in. They went inside and sat on a red couch. The baby was put beside Stephanie. The baby kissed Stephanie's shoulder. Stephanie smiled. Then the dream ended.
The other night I had a dream that my husband & I were out doing some window shopping. In the midst of our walking, we came across my Nana. Instead of greeting us with hugs & kisses she promptly began to pepper us with complaints varying from not visting enough, to working too much. After catching a few harsh glares from passing by civilians we decided to get the hell out of dodge. We dropped everything we were doing & bolted into our car. Safe from both my nana & the judgmental stares of others my husband slammed on the gas. We flew through the city. Just a few minutes into our drive we noticed the flashing of red & blue lights behind us. We pulled over an a female officer asked for our licences & registration. She returned moments later to clarify that we did indeed have a super speeder, but not to fear she dropped our speed by a few smidges so we wouldn't have to pay a ridiculous sum of money. We thanked the officer & rolled up our window to look over the ticket together, which much to our shocked dismay was still very VERY expensive. The ticket turned out costing 6k dollars.
Afternoon of January 7, 1973. Sunday. In-depth revision on Sunday, 22 April 2018. Scene one: My dream starts with my semi-lucid dream self walking south beyond the backyard of my Cubitis home (the backyard being on the east side of the house) in late afternoon, close to the railroad tracks. I do not attempt to actively auto-script my dream but I do summon some schoolmates into the setting, which discernibly includes (in order of real-life familiarity) Toby, Brenda, Steve W, Tina, and Sharla. I contemplate experiencing a science-fiction adventure. Walking a short distance from my home, behind what would be the second house south of mine, there is an area where the railroad tracks had somehow seemingly been pulled upwards. Looking up at the bent and twisted railroad tracks, which are at least twelve feet in height, creates vague vertigo. The feature also reminds me of a ladder. From here, we soon come to an old wooden sign, with “FORBIDDEN LAND” (in two rows, that is “FORBIDDEN” written above “LAND”) sloppily painted in red. Despite the sign, I know we are going to explore the area. Scene two: Eventually, after walking east, we find ourselves in a small isolated town of which has the overall appearance of Dodge City, from the “Gunsmoke” television series, though there are a few additional modern features. When we are inside a restaurant and there is noise outside, like amplified galloping and implications of an earthquake, there are people talking about this event as if it occurs on a regular basis, at a certain time each day around noon. We notice plaster falling from the ceiling as whatever it is passes by, down the dirt street. There are not many cars and most are from the early 1960s. There is talk of a giant white horse. It is said that it is a hundred hands high, which is about 33 feet. I realize that the damage to the railroad tracks was caused by the giant horse galloping across that area. Despite the damage it has caused to the buildings (apparently the people are always rebuilding), the giant horse apparently does not go after people. Scene three: We make our way up a mountain, but I am on my own in the final view. I am looking down over a large field, mostly featureless except for a lake in the right of my view, though there is also a cluster of trees beyond. The giant white horse was a mother that had been looking for her foal which she has now just found. The giant foal is drinking from the lake, which is not much bigger than him. I sense that they will go north to another land and no longer be problematic for the town. My dream takes on a very peaceful and positive tone. I feel very happy upon waking. Threads of scene one explained: The vague vertigo is a dynamic of vestibular system correlation (and the lack of viable awareness of my real physical body as I am sleeping), even in the intriguing ambiguous railroad tracks to ladder association, a ladder implying the potential to rise up from the dream state or augment lucidity. Threads of scene two explained: My subliminal conscious self chooses the “Gunsmoke” set in recognition of my dream being like a movie or television show (unrelated to real life), which has been the case in a number of other dreams. Additionally, I typically pick the farmland to the east in such dreams (though it sometimes resets to being back closer to my house) as I was unfamiliar with its overall real-life appearance as I had never gone there and could only see some of it from my backyard. This way, my lack of experience with what the area looked like benefited the imaginary layout of my dream (even though my dreams do not render locations correctly anyway, to avoid associations with waking life memory). The restaurant in scene two seemed modeled somewhat after my middle school’s cafeteria, though was only around half the size. The attention to the plaster falling from the ceiling is a focus on liminal space division while in the dream state. It is more linked to vestibular system correlation than is doorway waking symbolism (or other subliminal anticipation of the dream ending). Threads of scene three explained: In this dream, the emergent consciousness factor, more commonly rendered as an animal in childhood dreams, is the giant white mare. In the final waking event, my dream self, perceived as the foal, due to its incomplete nature while in the dream state, is found by way of the preconscious transition, without any conflict. This is a type of coalescence event which activates consciousness. The final dynamic is the very common water lowering waking symbolism, key autosymbolism for leaving the dream state since early childhood. Conclusion: The main concept of this dream (the giant horse) was borrowed from the “Arizona Midnight” episode of the “Gunsmoke” television series seen the previous week (January 1). There was also an incidental association with the large plastic black stallion Aurora model that was of a much larger scale than all of my other animal model kits.
So me and a friend were on a train, we were the only ones on the train, no driver just us. As we were going through the countryside it started getting dark real quick and somehow turned into night. All of a sudden the train ended up going through a church. (me an my friend found this very wired) We got the the other end of this church and there was this door. It opened and a coffin flew out. All of a sudden loads of other coffins came flying out with lots of paper documentation of some kind. Me and my friend look at each other creeped out as anything as there was no way all these coffins could have fitted in this door opening. We decided that we were just going to get of the train and head toward a side door that lead out the church. As we got to the door the train started moving so we ran back onto the train as we thought it would be safer on the train then in the wooded area outside the church in the dark. We came up to an area where there were lots of rail tracks and this ghost train appeared out of nowhere in front of us. All of a sudden it started to chase our train around this rail track area going all over the place with the intention of trying to kill us. It was so crazy and I woke up after that with no intention of finishing that dream off.
Shortly, me and my cousin got to the house. It wasn't that far. The owner was a women wearing traditional Macedonian clothing. The inside of the house was all made out of wheat and the only thing that there was, was a computer. Shortly, a small table with three small chairs, and my boyfriend appeared! We all sat at the small table having a casual conversation. I was sitting on the opposite side of my boyfriend while my cousin either sat on the right or left side of my view. To be continued...